Month: October 2013

The Golden Heartbreak

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Every woman needs one good heartbreak in her lifetime. Yes she does! I choose to call it the Golden Heartbreak.

Remember your first love? You were a teenager, weren’t you? How did he make you feel? You would give anything to be with him every waking minute? You sneaked around when your parents weren’t looking? You lied to your mother; that you were visiting girlfriends? Going for a sleepover ‘kwa kina Shiro’ only to hook up with Njoro their neighbor? You grabbed any chance you got to gaze into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to each other?

You got lost in him, didn’t you? You felt alive for the first time? All your senses tingled to his touch? You were stupefied by the chemistry between you when your fingers touched ? Even before your relationship could proceed to first base? And you wanted more? Second base and beyond? You were under his spell? He was great! He was adorable! And he loved you with all his heart? And you with all of yours? Haaaaa…… Love! *SIGH*

So deep in love were you that you believed he was capable of no wrong, much less, of doing you wrong. He loved you, he would therefore never hurt you. Nobody could love you the way he did. When your mother said to be careful with boys, you were convinced that she did not have him in mind when she issued the caveat. She did not know this particular boy. If she knew him, she wouldn’t ask you to stay away from him. He was sweet. He was different. When your friends shared their experiences on how they’d been disappointed in love, you vouched for your love. He was not like the others.

Who could blame you? Who when love causes a woman to blossom?The care, the honey-sweet words, the praise, the admiration, the tender touch. Who would dare blame you when he made your heart sing? When he was the reason behind your smile and the spring in your step? You were in cloud nine, weren’t you? You believed with every fibre of your being that he was the one? The only one? You were justified then to believe that you were the only one for him too? How could you not when he made you feel so special?

You forgot who you were. You only saw who you were to him, with him and in him. You did not need anyone or anything else. Your very own Alejandro. A-ha! Your Mexican soap came to life. You were in love. Truly. Madly. Deeply.

Then something happened to change all that. He showed you that he was human. That being human, he is bound to err. When this happened, your little heart broke into tiny little pieces. You fell down all the way from cloud nine with a thud. You were devastated. Heartbroken. You tried to understand why he would hurt you if indeed he loved you. Love is not supposed to hurt, you reasoned. You cried in disappointment. Then you realized that this man who you held in such high esteem is not just human, he is flawed.  He is selfish sometimes. Inconsiderate sometimes. He gets tired. He gets bored. He is no prince charming. Not even a knight in shining armour. He is just a man.

Just a man.

That thud, the tinkling noise that only you could hear as your heart shattered to tiny pieces, the heartbreak and the tears that accompanied it, these were the ultimate eye openers. Voila! A new woman was born. You would never be the same again.

The transition happened immediately you recovered and dusted yourself up. Henceforth, you understood men. You got a grasp of the dynamics of a relationship. You knew then that you don’t have to lose your identity just because you are in love. You discovered love on a whole new level. You were cognizant of the fact that to love someone, you need to love yourself first.

From that one heartbreak, you would survive many more along the way. You would hold your head high if one day you had to sign divorce papers to free yourself from a bad marriage. It would show you how to raise your children single handedly should their father walk away to shack up with a young 20 year old whose heart is yet to be initiated. Thanks to that heartbreak, you would  manage to stay sane in the face of numerous disappointments.

Now tell me, wasn’t that heartbreak a good thing? Didn’t it toughen you up? If you haven’t had one already, aren’t you dying to have one right about now? Go on, you can admit it 🙂

After your heart is broken, you see things differently. You stop putting men in a pedestal and start seeing them for who they are. You will most probably fall in love again after that (Please give love as many chances as possible), but when you do, it will be a different kind of love. A healthy kind of love.

With a heartbreak comes an important part of growth. It comes with lessons which you could only ignore to your own peril. It teaches you that you can give your all to someone, but there is no guarantee that they will reciprocate. It shares with you the wisdom of letting go: When he lets go, you let go too – you have no choice really. Holding on will only hurt you. It informs you that you can never make a grown man do anything he doesn’t want to do. You can never make him love you.

When you take marriage vows, you say “I do” because you speak for yourself. Though your partner does the same, it is no guarantee that they will keep their promise. You can only keep  your end of the bargain. And even if they don’t keep theirs, you know by now that it has nothing to do with you. Its a choice they made. A choice you have no control over since you only have control over you.

Check you out! So much wiser, so much stronger. It was a good thing that heartbreak, wasn’t it? If you play your cards well, you can have your heart broken, devastatingly, only but once in your lifetime. Thereafter, you will experience nothing more than disappointments that can be fixed with a generous scoop of ice cream.

Chances are high that some guy will break your heart at least once. What you can do? Don’t let the heartbreak go to waste. Take the lessons with you and use them to your advantage. You will be glad you did.